In the Aftermath of the Fires: A Note of Gratitude from the Trenches
Last weekend, I drove up to Santa Barbara to have lunch with a friend who had flown in from NY for some work up there. We hadn’t seen each other, in person, since Jay and I lost our Malibu house in the recent wildfires and so I was catching her up on all the things that have been happening since.
I began, as I often do when discussing this experience, talking about the kindness poured on us from every corner and how comforting it has been and continues to be.
My friend stopped me and said she was really happy to hear me saying this. I sensed surprise in her voice. This puzzled me and I asked her why this reaction? Many of the disaster-related news stories coming out of California to the rest of the country and the world, she explained, focused on negatives: landlords price gouging people looking for rentals, people looting abandoned houses, insurance companies not playing by the rules and so on.
I assured her—at least from my vantage point—that while I don’t doubt all of those things are happening, or were happening, our experience has been nothing short of overwhelming when it comes to receiving and feeling remarkable love, compassion, empathy and kindness.
Truly humanity at its best.
And so, herein, I shall set one tiny piece of the record straight and in the process, recognize the people who have shown up for us, and continue to do so, in small, medium, large, and astronomical ways.
A HUGE thank you…
🙏To the friends who, on January 7th, welcomed us into their home, with the biggest, outstretched open arms and didn’t waver in their hospitality until we were ready to move into our rental place on February 15th. If you’ve ever had people staying with you, you’ll know that (as our friend Glenn says), “Houseguests after a while, like bad fish, start to smell.” So, thank you for your unwavering endurance, grace, warmth, generosity, and love. We felt it every minute. Having a consistent place to stay, when the rest of our world was upside down, was a true lifesaver.
🙏To so many other local (and not-so-local) friends who offered beds, couches, guesthouses, floors, and myriad other places to rest our heads and hang our hats.
🙏To our amazing, generous friend who (in her role as real estate agent) sent us piles of rental listings. And in the toughest market, tenaciously went after every one and found us a place to call home—at least for a while.
🙏To our most amazing dog-trainer who, without missing a beat, offered to take our dog Phoebe on the night we evacuated, and held onto her for two months!
🙏To the tow-truck driver who (when in the days after the fire I got a flat tire) took one look at me and the tire and told me he wasn’t putting on the spare, he was taking me to get a new tire. And having driven me to the tire shop, proceeded to wait outside and when I emerged to call an Uber home, insisted on driving me—even though he had no obligation to do so.
🙏To the friends, colleagues, coworkers who sent gift cards, DoorDash credits (Charlie says thank you!), notes, letters, emails, calls, video messages, cards. Each and every message and sentiment expressed within boosted our spirits when we really needed it.
🙏To the friends from faraway times and places who reached out to check in and offer words of comfort—even if we haven’t spoken in a while. It means the world to us.
🙏To the UPS driver who showed me kindness when he broke the rules and came inside the house to pick up the heaviest box that I needed to return. I think he sensed I could snap if he didn’t help me!
🙏To my friend who saved my life and brought me a lifeline in the form of some English tea bags.
🙏To all of the companies, shops and businesses who have offered support in so many ways—discounts, gifts, replacements of past purchases—and continue to do so. The companies who have extended these generosities include: Design Within Reach, Williams Sonoma, Bloomingdales, Crate and Barrel, Oaktown Spice Shop, Nieman Marcus, Bauer Pottery, Bludot, Parachute Home, Velvet, Lululemon, Naked Cashmere, Heath Ceramics, Parabo Press, The Shade Store, Reformation.
🙏To the HENI Gallery in London—for being amazing. I reached out to see about replacing a piece of art I had given Jay for his birthday a few years ago. They had an edition of the same piece being sold by a previous owner. That owner was kind enough to accept my initial (somewhat lowball) offer, when I explained the circumstances, and the gallery waived their usual fee.
🙏To my dear friend whose daughter was moving back to England and gave me her whole set of amazing kitchen appliances.
🙏To my friend who called around various furniture places to inquire about any support being offered and handled all kinds of admin and ordering for me.
🙏To our friends who cooked and delivered one of the best dinners I have ever tasted!
🙏To my designer friend who used her “insider status” and helped order things for our new place.
🙏To my friend who sat on the phone for hours and hours to try and find out how I could get a prescription filled, given that my doctor’s office and pharmacy were closed because of the fire.
🙏To my friends who got together and sent a beautiful set of All Clad pots and pans to set up the new kitchen.
🙏To my friends who sent me some watercolors and other art supplies so I could get my ‘studio’ up and running.
🙏To my friend who is combing EBay to find replacements for my wardrobe—and has inspired me to do the same!
🙏To my AirBnB host from San Francisco last year who, although we met once for 5 minutes, emailed me to see if we were OK when she heard about the fires.
🙏To our friends who presented Jay with a Bloomingdales gift card so he could buy a shirt, tie, and trousers to wear to teach his class.
🙏To my friend who painted the most beautiful picture of the huge tree that sits in our garden and I hope beyond hope survives.
🙏To my brother who sent Charlie a new laptop and some spending money for clothes, and me the most amazing new guitar (a Taylor—which I’m told is a good one)!
🙏To our mums who have dug deep into their pockets to help make things a little smoother.
🙏To the guy who runs the frame shop ‘round the corner, who personally delivered my latest piece of framed art—when I realized it was too big for my car!
🙏To my sister for sending me random boxes of household bits and bobs.
🙏To my friends at The Coastridge who offered to host me for a 5-day hiking retreat (one I have done many times). I had to pass for now, but am eager to get back up to beautiful Stinson beach very soon!
🙏To my mum’s friend who replaced the sweet little crocheted snowmen I bought from her a few years ago.
🙏To the lady in England who sold me a replacement sticky toffee pudding mold on EBay and when I told her how happy I was to find it and why I was replacing it, sent the sweetest, kindest note of love and support.
🙏To my Christian Louboutin fairy godmother.
🙏To our friend who gave us the most amazing handmade pottery jug and mugs.
🙏To the handbag company in Amsterdam who, when my Dutch friend mentioned the loss of one of their bags, searched high and low, found it in their “seconds” store and sent it (no charge) to him, to give to me.
🙏To the friends who selected and sent the most amazing pieces of Heath Ceramics to replace things that were lost, and add new things to the collection.
🙏To my brother-in-law for going above and beyond to fix my scuppered hard-drive. This wasn’t really fire-related, but he deserves the shout out just the same!
🙏To the bartender at a restaurant up the road. Jay and I stopped by the first night at the new place. We had bought a bottle of champagne (naturally), but realized we had no glasses. We explained the situation, and asked him if he might let us borrow two of theirs. Of course, he said—and keep them
🙏To the salesperson at Saks Fifth Avenue who looked up my account, saw my address, asked if I was impacted by the fire, and proceeded to give me the biggest hug.
🙏And I’m sure many many more.
To say we feel the love deeply is the greatest understatement.
We are not alone in our experiences. So many others, who find themselves in this same situation, have expressed difficulty in reconciling the deep, deep sadness, anger, regret, and grief with the deep, deep gratitude for the overwhelming outpouring of love and support. Both sides of it are unlike anything we have ever experienced.
We notice, however, that as time goes by, and we start the process of clearing the rubble and planning a new house, the positives begin to eclipse the negatives; the path forward becomes clearer and more tangible. What remains unchanged is our eternal gratitude to everyone helping us through this unprecedented time one smile at a time.
These things may not make it to the news, but they are no less real than those that do.
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